Puttin' on the Ritz
by imaginarionify
Summary: Just another night at pLace. ;) One-Shot.


**Disclaimer:** **I do not own any of the characters from FG. All credits go to Seth Macfarlane.**

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" _ **Puttin' on the Ritz"**_ **by Irving Berlin. Performed by Robbie Williams.**

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 **Bold: Brian**

 _Italics: Stewie_

 _ **Bold/Italics: Brian and Stewie**_

* * *

"Here we are, Bri! Living in the prime of our lives!" Stewie's giddy personality was contagious, that was for sure. Yet as Brian piled on his tuxedo and fixed his tie, being rather anal about it, he sighed softly and gave the infant a sideways glance. "Yeah, but I didn't think you were going to turn Frank's restaurant into such a...I don't know...sleezy club."

Stewie scoffed and adjusted himself accordingly. He even pinned a rose against his breast pocket. "You're just mad you didn't come up with it. Seriously, though, stop being such a little bitch. I told you I had a surprise for you."

"Yeah, but you practically gave it away...we're singing a duet together. How is that a surprise?" Brian couldn't help but complain while he tugged a little more on his tie.

Stewie rolled his eyes before he grinned and finally went to the dog. He slapped his paws away from his tie so he could fix it himself. "I told you we're singing a duet, but I didn't tell you what song we're going to sing together." He replied and perfectly adjusted the dog's tie and patted it down with an even bigger grin. He was so excited! Brian didn't share the excitement, however. He could only imagine what song the baby had chosen for them.

He was reminded of a few past instances where Stewie insisted on singing provocative songs; definitely songs that the boy shouldn't understand the lyrics to and yet this kid understood it all. The canine shuddered at the memory. Yet it was all a little fuzzy except for a few moments. Then he remembered that he had gotten drunk on those occasions to prevent embarrassment. He just prayed that Stewie would give him a break tonight.

"I swear, Stewie...if it's something that's really inappropriate or belittling, I'll walk right out of here." Brian finally said.

Stewie laughed and nonchalantly waved his hand. He never took Brian's threats seriously. After all, the dog was all talk and no action. "Whatever, dog. You can bark all you want, I know you're not going anywhere. Anyway, we're going on stage in another 10 minutes, so do whatever you have to do to prepare yourself."

And with that, Stewie turned on his heel and was out of the dressing room, superiority emitting as he closed the door behind him. Brian stood there, wondering to himself just how the boy was capable of it all. He was everything that the dog wanted to be, confident and able. There was absolutely nothing the boy couldn't do.

"That kid is not human."

* * *

5 minutes later, Brian was out of the dressing room and he made his way to where Stewie was. He saw the boy behind the red curtain, speaking to one of the musicians. It appeared they were just having a casual conversation until Stewie noticed Brian approaching to which the boy nudged the man away and grinned excitedly at the dog. This made him arch an eyebrow in question. "What's going on?" A strong sense of loyalty swelled up within Brian as Stewie reached to adjust the dog's tie again. "Nothing, love. We were just talking about the number. I didn't want him to ruin the surprise since he's known for having a fucking loud mouth."

Brian chuckled, feeling a little bit of relief to hear this.

Once Stewie was satisfied with Brian's tie, he happily reached to rub the dog's ear on his favorite spot. Of course Brian gently reached to take the boy's hand, smiling a little nervously towards his favorite little psychopath. "Not here, buddy."

"Aw!" Stewie feigned sadness before laughing it off. "You're no fun, Bri! Well, no matter. We're going on in just a minute."

And with that, Stewie was right. Pretty soon the introduction music began, cheers from the attendees roaring in anticipation, proving just how popular this place was. Perhaps Stewie should have pursued a career in advertising and marketing. He seemed to have a knack for it, but then again...the boy had a knack for everything, now didn't he? Both the duo waited behind the curtain, letting the host introduce the night with such glee and enthusiasm, the audience followed suit with uproarious cheers and yelling.

"Alright, ladies and gents! Tonight we're going to do something a little differently, but I can promise you all...you'll be bustlin'! Recently, we were asked to promote a special song by an anonymous visitor. Of course, pLace always wants to regard everyone! So without further ado...let's get the ball rollin' with a classic! Puttin' on the Ritz!" Brian's eyes went wide and he looked down at Stewie just as the curtain was lifting and the music began to play, the upbeat...swing music that Brian and Frank Sinatra Jr. essentially made the club for. He grinned at the baby and quickly began to strut his stuff out onto the stage along with Stewie who had done the same with the biggest grin. He then began to sing, nudging Brian while he did so, "Say, Brian! I have a question for you."

Brian happily smiled, playing along, "Yeah, and what's that?"

" _Have you seen the well-to-do?"_

" _Upon Lennox Avenue?"_ Brian laughed, quickly feeling his anxieties become numb to the point they weren't practically there anymore. "Why I haven't, Stewie. Tell me about 'em." Stewie's grin grew; they both worked so well and natural together in this setting. He had almost forgotten.

" _On that famous thoroughfare,"_

" _with their noses in the air."_

" _High hats and narrow collars."_

" _White spats and 15 dollars."_

" _Spending every dime."_

" _On a wonderful time."_ Stewie then began to dance along the stage in time with the music, using the beat and rhythm to conduct his movements and using what space he had as his own while the people watching roared for him. It was so intoxicating.

" _If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you where Harlem flits…"_ the boy quickly did a twirl, smirking once he was facing the crowd once more, a hand in his pocket while he posed with a sense of authority.

" _Puttin' on the Ritz!"_ Brian laughed, actually having to hold in his excitement. "Well, you know Stewie, a good time is always in the company of good friends."

" _Spangled gowns upon the bevy of high browns from down the levy, all misfits."_ Stewie looked to Brian and winked who obviously understood and began to chime in with perfect harmony.

" _ **Puttin' on the Ritz!"**_ The gentlemen and ladies on the dance floor once more erupting, all taking in the music and becoming engulfed with euphoria.

" _And that's where each and every lulu-belle goes."_

" _Every Thursday evening with her swell bows-"_

" **Rubbin' elbows."** Brian interjected, but he knew that Stewie didn't mind it. Both proceeded to rub their elbows together, smirking at one another since they both knew they could predict how one another were going to move with the lyrics and the music.

" _Come with me and we'll attend the jubilee"_

" _and see them spend their last two bits…"_

" _ **Puttin' on the Ritz!"**_

Instrumental music gave way and both Brian and Stewie began to move in sync with one another while the audience danced along, laughing and encouraging both baby and canine to continue on with their exceptional duet. Brian even reached to take the baby, encircling him in his arms and dancing with him the way a gentleman would with a woman during a glitzy and swingin' ball. The dog leaned in to the boy's ear, gently kissing him there while they had time before the next verse. Stewie of course blushed madly, but laughed exuberantly while his arm wrapped around Brian's shoulder.

As the next verse approached, Brian withdrew from the boy and twirled him before letting him go with flare. It was his turn to sing now, so he began with his superior baritone voice.

" **Have you seen the well-to-do,"**

" **upon Lennox Avenue?"**

Stewie laughed and tapped his chin towards the dog, "I say, Brian, they're quite the bunch!"

" **On that famous thoroughfare."**

" **With their noses in the air!"**

" **High hats and narrow collars,"** Brian smirked as he tugged both sides of his collar of his white dress shirt, **"white spats and 15 dollars."** He never felt so alive! So alive and enthralled with the music and Stewie right there to enjoy it with him.

" **Spending every dime…"**

" **for a wonderful time!"** The dog laughed gleefully, using this moment of breath to take Stewie's hand into his paw to kiss it. The baby drew his head back overdramatically, feigning lightheadedness. Still it got the ladies screaming, no matter how 'dramatic' it was. Brian took note of that.

" **If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits?"** Stewie playfully scoffed and gave the dog a good look at his tux by tugging the collars, "My fashion sense is quite fine, thank you!" The canine grinned once more, blowing a kiss to Stewie while he sang out to the audience.

" **Puttin' on the Ritz!"**

" **Spangled gowns upon the bevy of high browns from down the levy, all misfits!"**

" _ **Puttin' on the Ritz."**_ Both the boys continued to dance in tune with one another, performing with such expertise and provision, it was almost as if they were one person; working harmoniously. They could get away with such stunts simply because they trusted one another.

" **That's where each and every lulu-belle goes."**

" **Every Thursday evening with her swell bows."**

" _Rubbin' elbows!"_ Stewie smirked.

" **Come with me and we'll attend the jubilee."**

" **See them spend their last two bits…"** Hooking their arms together, Stewie gleefully looked on to the crowd and gently nudged Brian, "money they definitely can waste, huh, Bri?" The dog laughed once more and with the last note of the song, he and Stewie harmonized perfectly, the music growing louder while the men and women clapped on, some begging for more and some yelling to sing the song again.

" _ **Puttin' on the Ritz!"**_

As the music came to an abrupt stop, the crowd cheered and howled. Both Brian and Stewie took a bow as the curtain came down.

Even from behind the curtain, the cheering continued as the two took their leave back to the dressing room, both smiling from ear to ear.

"Wow...that was satisfying."

"You bet it was, dog."

Brian chuckled and reached to rub the back of his neck. He didn't know how he could possibly thank Stewie for such a remarkable performance. All he could think to say was, "We work really good together, you know, kid?"

Stewie nodded, completely agreeing. "Oh. Don't worry, Bri. There will be a lot more duets between us. I'm thinking about doing another soon, actually. I just need to get everyone else on board with it."

"Oh? What's the song going to be this time?"

Stewie smirked and stopped walking so he could stand on his tiptoes to whisper the song in Brian's ear. Immediately the dog's cheeks lit up in red and he quickly began to grow frazzled.

"W-What…? Why…? What?"

Stewie bursted into laughter and lightly slapped the dog on his arm. "I'm kidding, Bri!" Still...Brian didn't quite believe that. Even as Stewie walked ahead of the dog, humming in satisfaction, the canine just watched, baffled. "Okay. Really now...that kid is DEFINITELY not human."

-END-3


End file.
